Discover the right and oh-so-wrong holiday gifts for your extremely tall friends.
The holidays are a wonderful time for extremely tall people to cram into their friends’ tiny cars and attend festive parties featuring ill-fitting rental chairs and dangerously low-hanging ornaments. There is also the specter of “Secret Santa”, where someone gets you a gift that not only doesn’t fit but is so completely useless to an extremely tall person that it borders on a hate crime. Armed with our Top 5 Worst & Best Extremely Tall Holiday Gifts, CircusTall is here to help your clueless friends make your season bright while minimizing your chances of a rage stroke.
• Phone Accessories •
NO: Selfie Sticks
The purpose of a selfie stick is to extend the natural range of the human arm so you can place your camera far enough away to capture a shot without cropping out someone’s head. But to a person whose own arm is extended past the natural range of the human arm, a selfie stick is the foulest aluminum-clad insult since Jolly Green Giant cans. Avoid them like the plague.
YES: Selfie Ring Light
If you want really to improve the quality of selfies, introducing more light is always a smart choice. Not only will it enhance skin tones but it also adds definition and subtle contouring to duck face poses. Advaka makes a Selfie Ring Light with three brightness levels, a USB-rechargeable battery, and a universal clamp so it attaches to all phones.
• Bed and Bath •
NO: Bath Bombs
You envision warm lavender-tinged vapor transforming the bathroom into a healing spa. Nourishing shea butter bath bombs sensually dissolve in the clawfoot tub, releasing tender bubbles of rose and lemongrass into the air. Every moment unleashes more nutrient-rich organic essential oils and healing herbs designed to soothe and rejuvenate. Perfect gift for your stressed, tall friend, right? BUT NO. Reality is they’re sitting on the chair next to the tub unsoothed and unrejuvenated because they don’t fit in the damn tub. (And they knew that when they started that madness but HEY MAYBE BATH BOMBS ARE MADE WITH ELF MAGIC and can expand the size of the tub if they just sit in a certain way like maybe this way or if they turn and place this leg or perhaps the other leg…like…like………ow.)
Unless your tall friend has a built-in jacuzzi, hard pass on the bath bombs.
YES: Extra Tall Shower Head
The extremely tall probably have cleaner necks than the general population since most shower heads are about neck height for them. If only the evil selfie stick could be repurposed to raise shower nozzles above one’s own head—would the gentle caress of overhead jets then be possible? Totally. HotelSpa makes a rainfall-style shower head with an integrated 2-foot extension arm. The actual shower head is a 10 x 10-inch square, engulfing its user in water, like a regular person.
• Kitchen •
NO: Fashion Peelers
The utilitarian handheld vegetable peeler was functionally perfected in the 1950s, so the largest differentiation between models nowadays is decorative. Whether they nest together like ultra-sharp Pringles, are forged from exotic metals, or feature whimsical veggie-shaped handles, they are near-universally too small for extremely large hands to use safely without causing wrist cramps.
YES: OXO Good Grips Peelers
OXO focuses on ergonomically-designed, non-slip, easy-to-use kitchen tools, but the key principle here is their girth. The grip area of their Good Grips Peelers is thick and padded so the hand can relax while peeling instead of forcing all the tension into fingers and wrists. They also come in multiple colors, so you can ward off dinner-based Repetitive Stress Injury in style.
• Health and Wellness •
NO: Spinal Massage Balls
With great spinal length comes a great responsibility to keep that spine in top condition. Spinal massage balls (aka lacrosse balls) allow one to roll away muscle knots in the back and relieve tension, including pain perhaps received from playing lacrosse in the first place. Their small size makes them easy to transport yet massively inefficient when used on an extra-large back.
YES: 36-inch Foam Roller
But an extra-large foam roller is big enough to cover that extra-large back or any other body part. With a LuxFit 36-incher, a deep tissue muscle massage is just a roll away, or one can lay upon it for spinal stabilization. Its large size makes it ungainly to transport but extra-large backs may simply insist on purchasing one for the road. And for the lacrosse tournament.
• Electronics •
NO: Wired Headphones
“One size fits all” is a well-worn clothing deception but the logic behind it creeps into all wearables, including headphones. Whether they are over-the-ear classics or gym-ready earbuds, there will come a time when they will pop out of the ear canal because the cord is Too. Dang. Short. for the tall friend. Lift a box over the head—pop! Go for a run and head turn to the left—pop! One could solve this issue by strapping the phone in an armband, thereby shortening the cord distance at the risk of causing an arterial embolism.
YES: Wireless Headphones
When the size of the world constrains basic movements, every inch of freedom is a magnificent gift. Wireless headphones seem unnecessary until one realizes how long headphone cables have kept one in light bondage. Earbuds are great for active sports, but if the desire is to be submerged in bass take a look at Beats Studio3 Wireless Over‑Ear Headphones. It’s generally the priciest but it does feature a blindingly-quick Bluetooth connection speed, nearly eliminating the multiple tap-and-pray rituals that one performs with other Bluetooth devices.
Summary
Make an extremely tall person happy this holiday season with a gift that will surprise and delight. The items in this guide will help wash away the sadness of receiving that “one-size-fits-all” holiday sweater. (Which didn’t come from you, right?)
Image Credits: Kira auf der Heide, Adam Birkett, Steve Huntington, Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Alphacolor 13, Beats